Parent Challenge ’16-’17

Parent Challenge.jpg

Try this:
Purchase a book and a journal for your teenager. Any old notebook or journal will do.

For Girls: Even More, by Rachel Lovingood & Jennifer Mills

For Guys: Checkpoints: A Tactical Guide to Manhood, by Brian Mills & Nathan Wagnon

Work through the book with your teenager, having nightly conversations about the content.

Carve out time each week to spend with your teenager over ice cream, pizza, in the car, shooting basketball, or just sitting in your living room. Make it just you and your teenager, talking about the content, answering questions, giving your own experiences, and passing on wisdom. Make it a priority and as special as you can.

They are each about 8 weeks long, and could be a great signpost experience for you and your kids!

Devos for You

devohub

Free to people who attend Second Baptist, this one app is your one-stop location for devos for men, women, families, and teenagers! It even includes the Essential Connection, which may be the best teen devo option available right now.

Download the app, sign on while you’re at SBC, and you will automatically join our group! Set your reminders and develop the habit of spending time with God each day.

Jesus Loves The Children

It’s not hard for us to think about Jesus as loving children. We value our kids, we try to provide the best possible life for our kids, and we enroll them in every extra-curricular activity we can find that will help them achieve in the areas our families value most. In fact, some argue that we spend too much time and money on our kids, that we over-schedule and don’t allow them their childhood to grow and explore the world, discovering their skills, talents, likes, and dislikes.

Of course Jesus loves children. We love children. It may surprise you that children were not as highly thought of in the first century. Of course fathers and mothers valued their children, as any parent would, but in the social constructs of the time, children were pushed aside, and their opinions were discounted. Rabbis were not known to include children in their following, and in agricultural settings, children  gained value when they were able to contribute to the good of the household. From a PBS.org story on the 1st century Roman Empire:

The paterfamilias had absolute rule over his household and children. If they angered him, he had the legal right to disown his children, sell them into slavery or even kill them.

Jesus loved the children. He valued them publicly, allowing them to join his following, using them as examples to follow, and warning against harming a child. There are 3 specific instances mentioned in 3 of the Gospels when Jesus specifically interacted with children:

  1. Matthew 18:1-5, Mark 9:33-37, Luke 9:46-48– Jesus set a child in the middle of the crowd and pointed to them as examples of humility and greatness. “Whoever humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.”
  2. Matthew 18:6-16, Mark 9:41-48, Luke 17:1-2– Jesus warns of causing a child (This could be a literal child or a new believer) to stumble, in other words, to harm their view of God. This could be through abuse, false teaching, or leading them into addiction and sin. “It would be better for this person if a millstone were hung around his neck and drowned in the depths of the sea.”
  3. Matthew 19:13-15, Mark 10:13-16, Luke 18:15-17– Jesus rebukes those who would send the children away, brings them close, and blesses them. “The Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.”

You might wonder, “My kids are teenagers, what does this have to do with me?” In the sense that teenagers are not children and we can talk to them on deeper levels and have higher expectations of them and give them greater amounts of freedom, you’re right.

But there’s a sense in which teenagers are not quite adults, and still need our guidance, care, and blessing. They have not developed the wisdom they need to function as well-adjusted adults, and so still need our guidance and protection. Many of them still have the youthful optimism and passion that can be examples for those of us who have developed cynicism and become set in our ways.

But the last one is closest to my heart today. We should not discount or send teenagers away. We should always be welcoming to teenagers, and seek to involve them in every aspect of our spiritual and church lives. Let’s not distance ourselves from them, but draw them close, teach them diligently, provide solid examples of passionate pursuit of Christ, and view them as the blessings they are.

Jesus loves the children, even teenagers.

What Would You Do?

4363.jpegA few years ago, while on vacation, my 6 year old daughter was trying to help fix our dinner, and burned her hand on the stove. 5 years later, she still remembers that incident and has become quite good at fixing scrambled eggs in the skillet on our stove at home. It would be great if things worked out that way in every situation: Minor burn leads to wise use of the stove. Unfortunately there are things that are way more destructive at first contact, and require guidance and wisdom from someone with more knowledge and life experience.

One of our jobs as parents is to help our kids process and react to the world around them in a healthy manner. As much as we would like them to just be able to do this on their own, and from a young age, we are responsible for guiding our kids into wisdom. While there is some merit to allowing our kids to learn from experience and making their own mistakes, we wouldn’t want to take that chance with things with the potential for permanent and major injury, like trying heroin or robbing a bank. If wisdom came only through direct experience, we would have a lot of maimed and addicted kids.

A great way for us as parents to pass wisdom on to our kids is to have what Psychologists call “Dilemma Discussions”. These are conversations about real world circumstances where the characters involved have decisions to make. Circumstances could be real or made up, a story on the news or something you think your kids should think through. For each character in the scenario, ask your kids, “What would you do if you were in that position?” and “How could things have worked out better for that person?” and “Can you think of a verse in the Bible that might help us decide?” If your kids can’t think of one, be ready with a few proverbs or characters from Scripture that were in similar circumstances.

These conversations could happen in the car, around the dinner table, or just sitting in front of the TV (TV characters make for excellent dilemma discussions because they usually make terrible decisions!). If we’re intentional with these kinds of discussions, we help our kids develop the cognitive skills to reason through decisions and make healthy choices later in life.